Thursday, 1 October 2015

My Books Are In Storage, Again

My books are in storage, again.

They seem to spend more days in boxes than on the bookshelf. This was not something I was planning on doing especially after last year’s ordeal of moving twice, and having to stay in a hotel while the builders finished the house.  I thought it would be a house where my desk would stay assembled for more than two years, and maybe the book collection would start containing some picture books. At the end of last year, I thought I knew where my life was heading, and who I was heading there with but it turns out this is not the case.  I have no words left to go into the details.

For the past six months, I have been heartbroken, angry and sad. Last week the keys were handed over to the new owners, and yet there was no final goodbye. I stood and waited but couldn’t wait any longer.

I need to remember that each time I'm upset and miss the past is that he cheated on me, he set up a dating profile to meet these women and has created an un-reality full of lies, he bullied me into removing our Valentines Day pictures from this year so he could pretend we've been split for over a year. I need to remember him laughing in August saying that what he said previously two weeks ago was wanting me back was a joke. Having to sell our house, our beautiful house. I must remember these and the cowardly actions.

Family and friends have been there, listening to me, handing over tissues, keeping me busy, making me laugh, giving me pep talks. They know who they are, and I want them all to know I appreciate all of the support and love they have thrown my way. Don’t worry this post isn’t going to become all self-helpy or start to fill up with metaphors about fog and broken hearts. I promise!

Funnily enough, knowing I had books to review has kept me blogging or I would have closed down this blog.

I have been trying to write but I don’t seem to be able to write endings to any of these stories. At least my novel needs redrafting and not writing! Redrafting I can do, and redrafting I have been doing although it is s-l-o-w but I am making progress.

Today I finished chapter eighteen, which is a relief, as this chapter had no shape when I read it a few months ago. I highly recommend reading your writing months (or even years) after the initial round of writing will definitely give you perspective.

Chapter 18 was all over the place – conversations with no location, characters appearing from no where, an ending which didn’t fit with the rest of the chapter. These have been fixed, and the chapter feels balanced.

I guess I need to open up the document for chapter 19 and see what state I left that…

The next blog post is a funny one so stay tuned…


Teresa Stenson said...

Sorry to hear you've had such a difficult time, Jessica. I hope you're coming through the other side now. Take care.

Jessica said...

Thanks Teresa :)